a scattering of thoughts about thoughts

We were on a walk today, with Peggy dog on her leash, Edith Emily in her sling. I could smell the rain coming. Wind was blowing, and the colors seemed extra vivid to me. Wherever I looked I noticed interesting combinations of colors - dark purple berries on a forest green bush, the sudden florescent spattering of fallen leaves on a bright lawn, sun faded tan adobe walls flush against sun faded bricks, the light grey of concrete as a backdrop for a teal painted iron fence, some lavender blossoms - and I realized I was imagining the colors as skeins of yarn. Hand dyed hanks of the colors I saw around me on a day whose sky was greyer than the rest. I have been thinking about knitting a lot lately, and knitting a lot as well. Ravelry provides an endless source of fascination, as nearly everyone in the world currently using wool to make things seem to have a profile on there, with pictures of finished projects, yarn stashes, and hand dyed, handspun fibery goodness. Then there are the knitting blogs....

But anyways, I did not open this posting box to write about knitting. I wanted to express somehow, the thoughts that swirled through my head this afternoon as Peggy dragged us through the neighborhood, nose first. It seems like whatever my mind is tuned into, becomes the way I see. I do not remember ever noticing colors so vividly before. When I was taking a lot of pictures, I would notice interesting colors, but they were always part of a larger scene - something with visual interest beside color - form, content, light and shadow, whatever. Today was different because it was so specific to just color combinations. I realized that I haven't been writing as much (yes I know, nanowrimo actually took too much joy away from the writing process and I turned to knitting instead. told you something like that was bound to happen...) lately, but when I was writing pretty regular blog entries, my thoughts on walks like this were more word oriented. I would spend mental energy thinking about how I would describe something, and sifting through the day to find interesting situations worth writing about. So now that my thoughts have been tuned to knitting, the pieces of the world that I perceive the most happen to be color and texture oriented. Forgive me if I am repeating myself, I'm just circling what is probably a very simple concept.

Different people perceive the world differently. We probably all know this, to some degree. Yet it's a hard thing to really know. I am constantly surprised when another person reveals that no, they are not on the same page as I am. Because I'm only looking at one page, I forget that there are words on the other side. I have never had any interest in sailing, but my cousin has an album full of sailing photos on his facebook page. He's also a commercial pilot. Which reminds me of a friend of mine's father, who has participated in sailing races and also got his pilot's license a few years ago. He and his wife live on a private runway so he can fly his plane whenever he wants. Today it was windy, like I mentioned, and to me that means that my skirt flaps around on our walk, Edie wears a hat, leaves eddy up into momentary swirls of color, and the trees dance. A windy day is beautiful to me, and exciting to walk through. I was thinking today, after noticing how I was noticing colors especially, that on a day like this my cousin or my friend's dad might have some extra perception regarding the wind. The direction, the quality, how fast, how cold...things that don't matter much to me necessarily, because I am just walking around going gaga over the color of things. But if I could jump into somebody else's head, what bits of the world would I notice especially much? The sound of things? The way it smells? How healthy the plant life is? What kind of birds are singing? The make and model of every car that passes? The price of cigarettes at the corner store?

What if we were aware of all the details, all at once?

Today I finally remembered to water Kenneth's garden while he was at work. I turned on the sprinkler and ran inside to try and squeeze a shower in while Edie napped. She woke up screaming before I could turn the water on, and I ran to comfort her wearing my towel. She was inconsolable for a long time - she hadn't been ready to wake up when she did. Finally she calmed down, though she was clingy, and I remembered the sprinkler. Ran outside and turned it off, but the garden looked like the flooded farms of the midwest. Gurty drank from one of the pools between the rows of kale. And now it is pouring rain like LA thinks it's Portland.

this might sound crazy...
but I actually think Emily is trying to pretend she has long hair when she drapes yarn around her neck. Tonight she placed a few strands in their usual spot, and then started tugging her hair. Plus, she acts really girly when she plays with the yarn. You can blame Grammy, because she sure doesn't get that girly stuff from me.

The fires

The sky is yellow.
The air smells like campfire, and it tastes acrid.
Everything is dusted with ash.

Today we will stay inside.

baby movies

baby movies

One of Emily's more unfortunate favorite activities is to drape yarn around her neck. She will crawl over to me when I am knitting and grab the yarn between me and the skeins, and loop it over the back of her neck like she is putting on a necklace. She is so methodical about it, she must think she is doing some kind of grown up activity, but I can't think of what she might be imitating.

Just in the time I've taken to write this, she's put about four loops around her neck.
Oh, Kid! I'm going to have to knit her a little scarf that she can drape around her neck all she wants.

She waves now, at everybody. It's really cute.
She also says Kitty Cat, Dog, Dada, Mama, and Grandpa. Of course, it's not that obvious. It's more like "Kkkhhkcat" and "Gah Puh". Still. It's an exciting time to know this kid.
She's also kissing and hugging a lot more. She used to like giving the cold shoulder when we went in for the kiss, but now she's all about it. This morning she woke up and started kissing my face right away. Awwww....cuddly baby. I'll have some more pictures up on Picasa soon.

It's a good time for pep talks.

Thanks, Neil Gaiman.

I hate the novel so far. I don't even want to write novels! I thought I'd be writing fast and furious memoir stuff, about things that really happened, because you know that's what I know and they say to write what you know. Plus I am my favorite main character! My life is my favorite plot!

But I had trouble with the fast pace, trying to get every precious little detail of my precious little memories in line just right, so I had to make somebody up and make her go do stuff that I didn't do. The good news? I still have an imagination! I can still make pictures in my head of places I've never been!
The bad news? It's a load of crap, so far, and doesn't carry the emotional weight that it would if it were MY story happening. But I have to just get out of the way and type this dreadful thing, because I said I would. Bleah.

Where are my uninterrupted stretches of writing time for NaNo!!??

I'm so far behind. Like, 10,000 words behind.