Lemon Trees and Dirty Streets

I think I've become overly dependent on italics to put the stress in my writer voice. Is there a better way to emphasize a word? Is there a way to write it so that no emphasis is necessary? If it seems like I am being a bit overly scrutinitical, it's because I just got rejected by www.tutor.com. I do not meet the minimum requirements to be an online tutor. And that is after I lied about having an associate's degree. Sure, it's probably just that you need a PC and I'm using Kenneth's Macbook, but it brings up all these fresh feelings of loserliness. I'm not schooled enough, I'm not focused enough, not dedicated enough, not interested enough to get a job.

Today we met some more kids at the park. There were six of them, four girls and two boys. There was a white van parked on the street that they kept glancing at, so I assumed it was their parent or guardian. I asked the oldest girl, after she'd reprimanded one of the boys for asking me when Edie and I would be getting off the swing ("Tyler! Be nice!"), if they were all siblings. She laughed and said, um, Yeah, we're all family. Then she and another girl pretended to be sisters. You know sometimes white people can't tell black people apart. That's what she thought, maybe. I just can't tell people apart, period. Especially without my glasses, I can't even tell if people have faces or are composed of watercolored dots. So they pretended to be related while I slowly connected the watercolor dots: they were part of an afterschool program, they'd been driven here in the white van. Their caregiver was sitting in the van, talking on the phone. Tyler asked me to push his friend Kimmy on the swing, and I said no, because I had to watch my baby. He offered to watch my baby for me while I pushed. So he got off the swing and stood in front of Edie with his arms crossed, literally watching her sit in the sand, while I pushed Kimmy on the swing. Kimmy began to pump her legs like Tyler had shown her, so I went back to the baby. The two older girls came over, still pretending to be sisters. They talked to me about my baby. Tia was confused when I told her that Edie is 8 months old.
"I thought that babies had to be at least 9 months old."
I explained that first they grow inside the mother for 9 months, and when they are born the count starts over. So Edie's actually been a living creature for 17 months. The counting is funky from the start anyways, since weeks pregnant begins with the first day of last period. That's not when Edie started! I didn't try and explain the last part.
I did tell them about having her at home, in a tub full of warm water. The oldest girl said, "Really? That's tight!"
They asked why I didn't "get" to have my baby in a hospital, like normal moms. I told them it was my choice, because women have been having babies since before there were hospitals, so I figured I could do without the hospital. Later I thought about my other reason for having E at home. It's the same reason I got pregnant in the first place. There was a point when I just decided to be an animal. Not in the uncivilized sense of the word, but to quit resisting my instincts. It seems like we humans have gotten ourselves into quite a pickle because of our efforts to separate ourselves from the rest of the natural world. We are a pretty nifty species, with our language and reflective tendencies, but we are still made of animal. At least that's the way I see it. So if a cat can find a dark corner and suddenly...Kittens! and if a cow can drop a calf with minimal involvement from Farmer John, I reason that a woman doesn't have to be any different. She can curl up in a dark corner and calf an infant along with the rest of the natural world. It worked for me and the Wee One.

And if a lady can get paid to drive kids to the park where they supervise each other while she talks on the phone then I can just as well get myself a job hanging out with kids while they play and come up with interesting questions. As long as they don't require the use of a PC.